


Years of Longing

by uritaeyeon



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, english version of the fic with the same name, highkey yukimafu, there is also ocmafu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22181011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uritaeyeon/pseuds/uritaeyeon
Summary: In those journal pages Mafuyu wrote, there was always something he would say to Yoshida Yuki.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	Years of Longing

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Given belongs to Kizu Natsuki.
> 
> A/N: accidentally saw a tweet about Jack and Rose, so this is my first YukiMafu inspired by Titanic ending scene. This is the English version. English is not my first language and this is unbetaed.

Mafuyu always brought his journal everywhere. A book with black leather as the cover and a blue ink pen could be found in his guitar case. This habit started when he was in his third year of high school—it was the time when he always got inspirations for songs from anything, anywhere, and at any time.

At first, it was only for verses he and Uenoyama about to compose into songs, but in the end, the book was turned into a diary. Anything that happened that day would be written by him in the journal; everything, even if that was a small thing.

There was a time when he missed Yoshida Yuki, then he wrote it for five pages long.

There was also a time when he and Uenoyama fought because of small things, he also wrote that in the journal.

Also when he was unsure about what gift he should give to his mother on her birthday, he wrote that he walked around a mall only to buy a blouse. He was happy though that his mother loved the present.

Satou Mafuyu wrote about everything—first love, a boyfriend that helped him to move on, the band who always by his side, his beloved mother, the man who would propose to him many years later, his life, and all of his important things while he was living.

A year after he began to write, it was the time when his college life started. When he was in his third year of high school, Mafuyu hadn’t thought of what he would become in the future. He only thought of his band and his will to work in the music industry. So he didn’t really know what major he would take in. In the end, after months of considering, Mafuyu decided to take Japanese Literature.

It wasn’t only rainbows and butterflies for the whole four years. He wrote all of his experiences in his journal, he even used up four books to write all of it. The things he wrote began from how hard it was to study in literature major, college tuition that was hard to cover up so he went to look for a scholarship, Given’s debut in his first year of college life, his fated meeting with someone, his break up with Uenoyama in his second year, and other things that were so precious to him.

His break up with Uenoyama was one of the things he would never forget. Almost four years into dating, they fought over small things in their last months before they chose to separate before they hurt each other even more. In the end, they still thanked each other for everything and stayed as friends—moreover since they were in the same band after all.

Also, when his scholarship almost got terminated when Mafuyu was hard to make his grades stable. He almost went to temporary hiatus until he felt sure that his grade in that semester wouldn’t drop. To make things worse, Mafuyu wasn’t longer with his mother anymore because since the end of his second year, Mrs. Satou left him first to heaven.

Between in every word he wrote in his journal, there was always a hope and pray for himself, his mother, his bandmate, and of course for Yoshida Yuki—also the poetry he wrote for his longing to him specially.

The years after that weren’t that hard compared to his first two years of college. Given reached popularity after they hit hit since they sang an OST for a morning drama. Given was searched through all sites, all Given members entered the rising star rank. They got love calls almost every day, both for on-air and off-air. Although they were a band, they also did some gigs other than that, like became model for some clothing companies and CF, staring at variety shows, and so on.

All of that was more than enough to make him busy, but Mafuyu tried his best to make his grade on top until finally he graduated with grades that didn’t make his scholarship got terminated. Satou Mafuyu attended his graduation ceremony along with his three bandmates and some of his close friends.

The night after his graduation ceremony, he sat alone in his room. Two pages were written fully about what happened that day—also, about his mother and Yuki whom he wished there too. Right after he finished it, his new boyfriend called him; that night, at least he didn’t feel alone.

Graduated from college, Mafuyu was too focused on his job as a musician. Moreover, because of his ability and talent to produce music, sometimes he also wrote music for his own self and some singers he was friends with.

His songs were always looking forward to, the public always played it almost every day.

Mafuyu also wrote that in his journal.

‘I drove my car to the studio today. From the radio to the shops I passed, I heard my songs played everywhere. I’m happy, Mom. It’s like a dream. I want mom with me here. Yuki too.’

When he was 27 years old, he was crowned as one of the most successful young musicians that year, along with some other names like his ex. Unlike his bandmates, Mafuyu only focused on music—whether it was singing or producing—while the others were trying some other field like acting.

A year later, his boyfriend proposed to him. However, there was always that moment when he really felt alone. The hole in his heart would never be healed fully. Rather than spending his time with his fiancé, Mafuyu preferred to visit Yuki’s grave and spent time there for hours. 

The journal he wrote for months, he told all of it to his first love. There was nothing special, but Mafuyu felt relieved after he told him everything. Twelve years after his passing, Mafuyu already could hold his tears when he remembered of his ex or when he sat and told Yuki his stories in front of his grave.

But of course, he still felt empty. To think that he started to forget Yuki’s voice and the days they spent together, to realize the memories that once he could play like a video but now he only could remember it only like a slide of photos, Mafuyu felt so scared. Yoshida Yuki was the person that stayed at a special place in his heart until forever, so when the memories Yuki left for him began to disappear, Mafuyu wanted time to stop right there.

‘At least, if I will forget his voice, don’t let me forget his face.’

He thought he wouldn’t drop a tear, but, that day, only a week before his departure to America for tied the knot with his soon-to-be husband, Satou Mafuyu was sobbing in front of Yoshida Yuki’s grave.

His journal that day was written only by this sentence, ‘I miss you’.

Days after that, at the end of summer, Mafuyu married his six-year boyfriend.

His marriage life was happy. They bought a new house, Kedama got new two friends, his husband’s pianist career and his career as a band member became more successful, they were happy even though only lived just by two themselves—five, if we counted their pets.

In his nth journal book, Mafuyu told all of those—and the name of Yoshida Yuki was still there, written at the end of all his stories.

Years went just like that, Mafuyu who once was just a high schooler now was already in his forties. Mafuyu was still playing music although it was off-air. All of his bandmates were already married, one of them already had a daughter who was a teenager and the rest decided just to live only with their spouse until death did them apart. Whenever they were free, four of them were still hanging out even though only eating out together.

In his not-to-young-anymore age, his body wasn’t as strong as when he was young. Mafuyu once was forced to rest at his house because he caught a cold, he didn't tell his husband since he was in Hongkong for his concert—he didn't want him to worry. It was only a cold, he said. In the end, he only spent his time lying on his bed and writing his journal.

Five pages for his mother, five pages for Yoshida Yuki.

He needed two full days until he recovered from the cold. Fortunately, in the day his husband arrived, his body was already healthy enough to pick up his husband at the airport. Three hours prior to that, Mafuyu visited his first love’s grave. He told him some stories, but that day, he left Yuki with a faint smile on his face.

Mafuyu had only told his husband some basic things about Yuki, but he felt that his husband understood him completely. His husband knew and fully realized that no matter how much time passed, Yuki would never leave and disappear from Mafuyu’s heart. Mafuyu tried his best not to mention anything about Yuki in front of his husband, but one night, he was awakened because he was dreaming about Yuki.

And Mafuyu moved to the living room while sobbing and writing his dream in his last three pages of his journal.

(His husband was also awakened, however, he chose to let Mafuyu alone.)

In the end, although Yuki was still in Mafuyu’s heart, it didn’t mean that Mafuyu didn’t love his husband. It was just the place where his husband and Yuki stayed different—and Mafuyu loved both of them.

He loved his husband so much that when his husband passed away because of a heart attack when he was on his way to the airport for his concert aboard, Satou Mafuyu passed out. His world collapsed right there—not to mention that the fact that his guitarist who was just gone like a year prior because of an accident while driving wasn’t helping him at all.

Mafuyu locked himself in his room for days until his childhood friends came to his house on the third day. He was surprised by himself that he wasn’t dead by starving when the food that was brought by his guests was his first meal after his husband’s passing.

After that day, Mafuyu stopped playing music. He didn’t make songs anymore, he only wrote verse after verse of poems in his journal for his beloved. For months, Mafuyu only spent his time playing with his pets or dozing off. Other than his husband’s funeral day, Mafuyu hadn’t been ready to visit his husband’s grave yet.

He was like that until it was his husband’s first year death anniversary. He visited his grave again for the second time. Mafuyu brought his husband’s favorite flower and put it there while praying for a long time. Then, he visited his mother’s grave and Yuki’s which wasn’t too far from his husband’s. While praying at his mother’s grave, Mafuyu could still control his voice, but when he visited Yuki’s, seeing Yuki’s photo that was already eaten by time, he let his tears dropped.

He spent an hour there crying—feeling sad, feeling alone, feeling like the world was unfair to him.

Mafuyu was never an expressive person, he always had a hard time expressing himself so he always endured it himself and then got hurt in the process. People who meant so much to him and understood him better were already gone. Yuki, his mother, Uenoyama, his husband—all of them weren’t by his side anymore and left him alone. He had no more place to rant, he had no more person to hug him when things got hard. Because of the pain by bearing too much sadness alone, Mafuyu got hospitalized in his fifty, only two years after his husband was gone.

He was lying on his bed, alone, with his journal that almost used up fully.

The last pages were written specially for those four people until Mafuyu stared at his last sunset with a sad smile on his face.

His eyes were closed, his body was as light as feather, and when he opened his eyes again, he realized that he wasn’t in his hospital room anymore, but in someplace that was crowded. He could hear people’s voice that was too overlapping to hear clearly and there was also music from somewhere.

And then, a voice greeted him.

“Mafuyu,” he turned around.

His husband was there, smiling widely at him while wearing the clothes he wore when they first met each other in Mafuyu’s last year of college; Mafuyu looked at himself reflexively, he also wore the clothes he wore when he was still a college student, no more his patient clothes.

One look at his hands that didn’t have wrinkles anymore, Mafuyu knew he wasn’t a fifty-year-old man anymore.

Mafuyu wanted to reply to him, but his husband spoke to him first. “He is waiting for you.”

Then he felt his body was pushed, he was directed to the middle of the crowd. Mafuyu turned his head, seeing his husband now was waving his hands, then he continued walking through the crowd that was singing along to some song.

And his eyes met with Uenoyama accidentally.

Mafuyu smiled at the sight of him, the guy he saw wasn’t Uenoyama who was in his forty anymore, but a sixteen-year-old teenager, just like the first time he met him when he spent his lunch recess on the stairs years ago. Uenoyama also said the same thing, “He is waiting for you.”

Just like his husband, Uenoyama also pushed his body softly until Mafuyu was really in the middle of the crowd now. The sound of music became louder and louder, the sound of people hurt his ears as it also became louder and overlapped onto each other. Other than those two, Mafuyu didn’t know anyone else. Among those faces, he didn’t meet anyone he knew.

Until,

until, he heard a voice called him from on top of the stage.

“Mafuyu!”

Mafuyu knew more than enough whose this voice belonged to—he knew it perfectly. This voice belonged to someone who was dear to him, the voice that he forgot many years ago, the voice of a person he missed so much—

—Satou Mafuyu ran, he went running through the crowd, passed tens of people,

to find Yoshida Yuki was standing on top of the stage with his beloved red guitar.

“Mafuyu, come!” He shouted while reaching out his hand to his boyfriend that was frozen in front of the stage.

Yoshida Yuki wore the clothes he always wore when he was going on a date with Mafuyu, just as exactly the same as the clothes Mafuyu wore right now.

_Ah—_

“Yes …,” Mafuyu reached out and held Yuki’s hand tightly, trying his best to hold his tears although it was failed when Yuki embraced him and ruffled his hair. Mafuyu didn’t want to go, Mafuyu didn’t want to let go, Mafuyu only wanted Yoshida Yuki for keep embracing him like this forever.

When Yuki loosened his embrace, Mafuyu got surprised. “Yuki?”

“I miss you.” Yuki closed the gap between them, he was whispering in his ear. His right hand caressed Mafuyu’s cheek softly, then he kissed his boyfriend’s lips like the world belonged to them only and the time was frozen because the soulmates that had been separated for a very long time finally met their each half again.

Satou Mafuyu smiled. His stomach was full of butterflies like the first time he fell in love with the guy, then he kissed his boyfriend back as softly as ever—full of longing he was bearing for years.

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Last journal entry of Satou Mafuyu:

[I want to sing with Yuki on the stage, even though it was only once, even though it was only for five minutes. I want to meet with him, I want to hug him so much.]

* * *

**The End**


End file.
